Why British Muslim women struggle to find a marriage partner

[Blueprint]

Some of the facts in this article are interesting to read. Especially British Muslim women being more superior than British Muslim men.

Which begs the question, why are British Muslim men not progressing and developing? Why are British Muslim men being left behind?

And who can be blamed for this? Mosques? Culture? Religion?

I agree with the author that the main priority of Muslim men is to marry abroad.

Didn't know British Muslim men marrying Christians or Jews was that popular a trend.



http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2012/jan/18/british-muslim-women-marriage-struggle

[Muslimlarki]

I agree with the author that the main priority of Muslim men is to marry abroad.

You mean the priority of the man's parents. Rarely does he get a say in the matter especially when it comes who he marries, especially for Pakistani people.

[Blueprint]

Ah you are right. It's all down to the parents.

But then if British Muslim men have more freedom in Britain, how comes they are so behind and British Muslim women are so far ahead?

Most Muslim women, whom I have heard who got married from Pakistan, are the ones who financially support their husbands coming over to Britain themselves. Then it's not haram to work. Otherwise it always is haram for a woman to work.

What's happening?!

Note: that I am generalising, but I do not mean to. I just can't be bothered to edit my sentences hence this note.

You mean the priority of the man's parents. Rarely does he get a say in the matter especially when it comes who he marries, especially for Pakistani people.

[Muslimlarki]

Ah you are right. It's all down to the parents.

But then if British Muslim men have more freedom in Britain, how comes they are so behind and British Muslim women are so far ahead?

Most Muslim women, whom I have heard who got married from Pakistan, are the ones who financially support their husbands coming over to Britain themselves. Then it's not haram to work. Otherwise it always is haram for a woman to work.

What's happening?!

Note: that I am generalising, but I do not mean to. I just can't be bothered to edit my sentences hence this note.

Who said it was haram for a woman to work? My many of my pakistani friends of my generation all paid to support their husbands from Pakistan. For some it worked out, others got used and abused. Why would a handsome Pakistani man marry an unattractive woman? For her beauty, personality or money and becuase of her British Passport. I could have told my friend many years ago this but I would have been labelled a jealous bitach. Time proved me sadly right. She is divorced and he has taken her for half of everything and Islamically got another wife whilst refusing to divorce her.

I don't know why Muslim women are miles ahead of the men, maybe its becuase mother's mollycoddle their sons and make them mummys boys, useless at most things in life. Can you imagine a 40 year old man needing his younger sisters approval on his choice of a wife. What sort of man is that? A wuss of a man, not the type of man I would want to marry. I want a confident man who can make his own decisions and hold his own without his mothers and sisters holding his hands.

[nasman]

the article is specifically about older women, 30s and upwards.

pakistani parents like young wives who can produce plenty kids so will get their ageing sons married abroad rather than consider similarly aged local women.

that reminds me, how much is a pia ticket these days?

[Blueprint]

I think women should be able to work and earn without getting any religious or cultural flak.

A lot of Muslims would say it. We don't like it when they do. But they say it. They exist. Sometimes they are a depressing majority. Or a minority that speaks for all. Some popular Scholars would say the same sadly.

Sad story, there are too many sad stories of marriages gone wrong. Because the women are not protected or don't protect themselves. But largely women are unprotected.

Who said it was haram for a woman to work? My many of my pakistani friends of my generation all paid to support their husbands from Pakistan. For some it worked out, others got used and abused. Why would a handsome Pakistani man marry an unattractive woman? For her beauty, personality or money and becuase of her British Passport. I could have told my friend many years ago this but I would have been labelled a jealous bitach. Time proved me sadly right. She is divorced and he has taken her for half of everything and Islamically got another wife whilst refusing to divorce her.

I don't know why Muslim women are miles ahead of the men, maybe its becuase mother's mollycoddle their sons and make them mummys boys, useless at most things in life. Can you imagine a 40 year old man needing his younger sisters approval on his choice of a wife. What sort of man is that? A wuss of a man, not the type of man I would want to marry. I want a confident man who can make his own decisions and hold his own without his mothers and sisters holding his hands.

[AgtBauer]

550-700gbp

the article is specifically about older women, 30s and upwards.

pakistani parents like young wives who can produce plenty kids so will get their ageing sons married abroad rather than consider similarly aged local women.

that reminds me, how much is a pia ticket these days?

[Muslimlarki]

the article is specifically about older women, 30s and upwards.

pakistani parents like young wives who can produce plenty kids so will get their ageing sons married abroad rather than consider similarly aged local women.

that reminds me, how much is a pia ticket these days?

My brother paid around £600ish for his ticket to Lahore.


Why do Asian men and their parents insist on a large age gap other than for reproductive reasons. Do they believe a younger wife will be more pliable and not likely to question and will obey more readily than their older counterparts?

[jamie]

sounds like brit muslim men are scared of brit muslim women

[nasta'een]

It's even harder for British Muslim converts looking to get married.

[Goalshan602]

It's even harder for British Muslim converts looking to get married.

Male or female?

[Goalshan602]

sounds like brit muslim men are scared of brit muslim women

Actually it's brit muslim mothers!

[Blueprint]

I would agree. And some of the religious/cultural reasons used to put British Muslim down are real lame.

sounds like brit muslim men are scared of brit muslim women

[AgtBauer]

General trend for marriage in british culture is one of decline or marrying late.

There is all kinds of factors involved here but generally speaking being muslim does not make you immune from the thinking/ideas within the culture.

[Blueprint]

Actually....the people to blame here are the segregation fanatics, where even talking to another Muslim brother is considered Un Islamic, but working and engaging with Non Muslims for Money is somehow allowed.

Such hypocrisy. I guess if you wanted to get married to someone you met, 8 times out of 10, Muslim families would refuse the approval of such marriages.

I would like to get married, I'm not desperate though. Apart from wedding events and the internet, there isn't much option. These options are horrible! Hence I am ready with a full heart for spinster hood. My Pakistani parents are useless, they seem so across the country.

General trend for marriage in british culture is one of decline or marrying late.

There is all kinds of factors involved here but generally speaking being muslim does not make you immune from the thinking/ideas within the culture.

[Seperatist]

sounds like brit muslim men are scared of brit muslim women

I wouldn't say that, what I would say, and maybe I'm being rather controversial here, is that maybe british mulsim males prefer women that behave like women of times past ( wheter or not they do once married is another issue) and not those who are so british that they behave like british women, who on the whole display no discernable difference to their male counterparts other than their gender.

I married a british muslim and she was a bit bolshy in the beginning, but after a few slaps she was ok.

[Goalshan602]

I have so much to say on the topic ........

• I have grown up with boys who became young men who all were adamant that they would not marry their sisters from Pakistan.
  
• All these guys have sisters who are married from back home
  
• Parents of a Pakistani extraction still maintain that they will be looked after in the future by a loving son and his wife.
  
• Girls brought up in the UK have lots of aspirations, they have been brought up with them, they want x-y and z after marriage.
  
• So do girls from Pakistan, but they're willing to put some of their aspirations on hold (for the early years of their marriage at least )
  
• So parents get the impression and indoctrinate their sons about Pakistani girls being better all around.
  
• As Agent Bauer said, there is a tendency in the UK to delay marriage for various reasons, so the pool of spouses available gets smaller with time.
  
• If a boy wants to marry young i.e. around 18yrs of age, it would be unlikely for him to live independently with his wife, he'd struggle financially, parents of girls in the UK recognise this and would be unwilling to let their daughter live with her husband in his family home and would not entertain the match. So the Pakistani wife option becomes more appealing.

[Blueprint]

I wouldn't say that, what I would say, and maybe I'm being rather controversial here, is that maybe british mulsim males prefer women that behave like women of times past ( wheter or not they do once married is another issue) and not those who are so british that they behave like british women, who on the whole display no discernable difference to their male counterparts other than their gender.

Maybe you have a point. But I guess you need to acknowledge where these Muslim women came from before they turned into such independent vocal women. And actually in Islam these traits are not disliked. In fact Islam gives these rights of expression to women but not the culture which British Muslim men cling to so comfortably?

Are British men self serving then in their ideals and what they expect from their women?

I'm not discounting the fact that there are weird women all over the map. There are.